Oh my, l am exhausted! I honestly am.
I don’t know when was the last time I was so looking forward to our holidays. The last weeks where a bit stressful, not only because of my study and work. I felt somehow beside myself and wasn’t really in my best mood and reason could be that I have failed. Big time.
After a period of successful trips to the mountains climbing via ferratas, I had to face a huge setback, ironically on the same mountain I once celebrated my first success at all. Worst of all, I failed on the first steps and even until now I can’t say why. It was like a block in my body and I wasn’t able to move any further. In the end, I had to give up. The only good thing was, if I’ve had a blockade way up the via ferrata, I would have been in even more trouble without a possibility to escape.
However, since then I feel like a total failure. It seems nothing matters anymore, because I won’t be good enough no matter how hard I try. And try, I did. I was so happy being able to do via ferratas within a certain difficulty level, I felt like I could do anything! I even climbed a route on the Dachstein. I was so proud!
But one failure was enough to shatter it into nothing. Now I am struggling with myself and once again with my abilities. I feel, like a fool for even trying to be good at something. I know, I’m whining but I can’t help myself.
How do you cope with failures? Are you the ambitious type who gets motivated by failures? Or are you like me, looking for a hole in the ground to get swallowed up by?
I know I should take my own medicine and do what I am always talking about to you on my blog. At least I should do something to get back in the saddle. Believe me, I am working on that, i.e. I’m trying. Again. Unfortunately, I am sick of trying. It seems, I am ever going 2 steps forward, 2 steps backward and in the end I am not one step closer to my goal.
So the thing is, this time getting back in the saddle should be more than me trying and that’s what I am struggling with. I need a plan, I need ambition and I need to find my self-confidence again. Therefore, I am going to take a break. This is the last week of school and luckily it is the last week before our holidays too and that’s where I am going to take some time out and work on myself again.
Hopefully, I’ll return fresh, motivated and laughing my miserable self of today in the face. If everything goes after plan, I’ll be ready to take on new adventures in the mountains again – and everywhere else.